The Church of Dan

Cool, that title rhymed! Bahaha!

I purchased the Samsung 40″ LCD 60hz TV, and I’m quite pleased with it.  I also ended up buying my PS3 a month and a half early, because I wanted to enjoy my TV even more!  People weren’t joking when they said that Ps1 and PS2 games would look horrible and pixelated though – I may just end up hooking that up to my dads tube TV to play now and then – but who am I kidding?  Between Modern Warfare 2 and BlazBlue for online play, I’ve got Folklore, Darksiders, and Uncharted to work my way through.  My friend has a MASSIVE collection of PS3 games, so aside from multiplayer games, I won’t need to buy much.  I may make an exception for Final Fantasy XIII though, because it comes out on my birthday.

Had a great party at my place on Friday to celebrate the new TV, had about 9 friends over, boiled about 28 hotdogs with 4 cans of chilli – it got devoured!  I did my math wrong though and ended up toasting 4 extra buns – most of them got eaten with the chilli, so it wasn’t that bad.  No pictures though, sorry   There will be another get together at my place this Friday to play Modern Warfare, Rockband, etc.. After spending over $1,000 in a month, I realized it would be much cheaper to just stay in and have friends over.  I cook food, we enjoy, and spend much less money!  Works out quite well I’d say.

I went to my doctor yesterday, he anticipates at LEAST another 4-6 weeks that I’m going to be off of work  (it has already been THREE months) ugh.  I’m trying to make the best of it.  I can’t let it get me down because I can’t really control it. I’ve got my dad and my friends, so I have much to be happy and greatful for.

All that being said, this Sunday is going to be a very important one!  I haven’t gone to Church in almost a decade.  Why? Because I love my sleep.  At this point though, I’ve decided it’s something I WANT to do again. Why? I honestly couldn’t give a proper response about it.  It’s something I feel on the inside.  Something has been telling me for 5 years to go back to Church, and for 4 of those years I was high all the damn time and just didn’t care.  I’m done with self-pity though and all the negativity that I let surround me for so long.  I’m going to go back to Church, and make it a weekly thing.  I’ll be returning to my old Parish from high school and elementary – with the odd week I may go to the Armenian Church closeby with a friend of my fathers.  I’m not going to become a Bible thumper, I never have been – but there is a nice feeling in having Faith, and something to believe in.  Something that can help with just a prayer in times of desperation.  This is 2010, and my life feels like it’s finally making some progress on a deeper level.

I’m very likely going to talk at length about this, so I’ll be doing it in sections with whatever comes to mind.

I will start of by saying that you, the reader – may not share the same opinions as me.  You may read on and say to yourself “This is a crock of shit”, if that happens, chances are you are not ready to admit the truth about it and have much growing up to do.  I am not an expert, I’m not a scientist, but I am someone who has gone through the cycle of recreational use, to frequent use, to chronic use (multiple times a day), to even beyond that of problematic use – all of which happened over the last 4 years.   The purpose of this is for anyone who may have questions about pot to have a better understanding of different elements involved – based on MY experiences.

I started smoking pot in May 2006.  Alcohol was something I was avoiding because of anti-depressents, and my own father said he’d rather I smoke pot than drink alcohol.  Why?  Because in one sitting, you can smoke as much pot as you wanted and you wouldn’t get aggressive (which was the case with me and getting drunk).  You’d smoke and smoke, eat and eat, smoke and just pass out.  Of course you could get hit with strong paranoia which could make the experience very unpleasent.  Just like alcohol, your body builds a tolerence to THC (which is the active substance in pot that gets you high).  The higher the tolerence, the less likely the paranoia will hit, which leads to a much more mellow and calming high.  As tolerence increases, the time that the high lasts decreases over time.   When I frst starting smoking, a joint would keep me ripped out of my skull from anywhere between 3 and 4 hours, after 4 years of vaporizing/bonging/smoking joints – I was lucky to stay at the plateau high for more than an hour – even with prime kush.

On to some key questions that people starting out with pot ask themselves (at least I did)

What are the negative effects to recreational use?

Lets assume this can be 2-4 times a month – as often as the average person would drink on a night out.  The definition of recreational can vary, but for arguements sake, lets go with my numbers.   Smoking pot this often wouldn’t really have any long-term effects on an individual.  You’d get high, get dry mouth, get hungry, eat, and pass out – or party on.  There is such a negative stigma surrounding pot that people will judge you for smoking it, even as infrequently as this.  It’s really personal preference.  People can smoke once every few months and still be judged.  If you’re in the once every few months, or up to 4 times a month (I’m being generous) you’re in the safe zone, and don’t have too much to worry about – if you’re an adult.  A student has a bit more to worry about though, depending on when it’s done.  THC inhibits REM sleep, as a student, REM sleep is very important because 5/7 days in the week you’re going to school, studying, and trying to do well.  People (myself included) make the claim that they study better while high.  Sure you may be able to read, be a bit more focused, but you won’t be absorbing the information AS WELL as you would if you had done it sober.  Those individuals that deny this are chronic users.  Study sober if you want to do well and don’t listen to the potheads that tell you otherwise.

It’s all about moderation.  If someone drank every single night, and got drunk – we’d call them an alcoholic – so why is it considered OK to smoke a joint or two every day?  It isn’t, nor should it be.  That being said, as a recreational user you don’t have as much to fear long-term.

Is pot addictive?

Weed by itself is NOT addictive.  What IS addictive though (more psychologically, and moreso if you have an addictive personality) is the high.  I went through a stage where I loved being high, and that’s all I wanted to do.  When I started smoking I said I’d never do it by myself or every day – but it’s something I started to enjoy.  Going for a 2-3 hour walk every night, listening to music, and smoking a joint.  It left me with a lot of thinking time.  But the high alone was something I loved.   I always said ” I can stop whenever I want”, but the days that I wouldn’t, I would say to myself  “It’s not hurting me, I enjoy it, so why should I deny myself it?”.  It’s easy to just not smoke any, but it’s easier to just smoke it instead and enjoy it and not give it a second thought.  That is the problematic part.  There are many people who don’t go through this, they may not have addictive personalities.  If you have to try to not smoke, then it has a hold on you.

What are negative long term effects of prolonged use?

The first and formost thing, is short term memory.  There was a point when I had a 3 foot zong.  It was a bong that had a Z from the mouthpiece to the bowl.  My friend and I would smoke full bowls for hours and hours every night.  After 2 months of that, I had a very difficult time carrying on a normal conversation at work. Mid-conversation I’d forget what we were talking about.  If you’ve ever watched “Click” with Adam Sandler, I was on permanent auto-pilot in life.  Even when it shattered, and we went back to a smaller bong/vaporizer/joints I still had the same memory problems, except it started to effect long term memory as well.  These times were probably the peak of my pot smoking.

The next problem is sleep.  Chronic use significantly hinders REM sleep, to the point where dreams just stop happening.  If you’ve ever smoked a joint right before bed to help you sleep, when you wake up you probably don’t feel as well rested as you could.  Many times I had the urge to just continue sleeping and forget about work, because without REM, you’re not getting the proper rest you need, your BODY and MIND needs it too.  The best thing I can say is, when you’re tripping out and you’re high – consider that your dreamstate – you’re giving up your REM dreams to get high.  Cut out the weed, especially before bed and the dreams and rest will return.. The dreams for the first week will likely be the most vivid in a long time.

————-

51 days ago, I gave up the pothead lifestyle.  I’ve been high a total of 8 times over this period.  My memory is slowly recovering.  4 years of damage won’t fix itself in a day.  My sleep is also a lot better, and for the first time in years, I’m dreaming again.  I don’t smoke alone anymore, and in social functions I’ve actually turned heads when I’ve declined partaking in a joint.  I used to be the guy who was either rolling a joint, smoking a joint, or in his own world because he had just smoked a joint.

Not everyone will share my opinions, because most wouldn’t have the same experiences as me.  There will be those that will be greatful to some extra insight, and to those that would rather say “omg pot is fine, you make it sound so bad” go start your own blog and post your opinions there.  Pot has downsides, and only those who have experienced it first-hand and have left chronic use in the past will be able to fully relate.  You only live once.  Don’t live life on auto-pilot, because there are experiences that should become memories and you will hate yourself if you forget them because of pot.

While taking a break from reading, I came across a deliciously delicious ice cream combo.

Mint-Chocolate Chip, with Chocolate icecream and pineapple-orange/raspberry sherbert.

MMMMMM.

Things are kind of shitty right now.  Not shitty as in OMG I’m EMO, just shitty as in, bleh.

I’ve been off of work since the third week of November because I threw out my back.  Sounds simple enough, right?  Estimated recovery time was supposed to be 7-10 days with a lower/mid back strain.  Still simple, nes pas?  So I went to see a chiropracter to get me all straightened up.  After 2.5 weeks, I got _worse_.  Under normal circumstances, that isn’t supposed to happen!  So I went for X-rays, and found out I have a condition called Spondylolysis  (damaged/underdeveloped ligiments in my lower back).  It is a condition that is aggrivated by pushing/pulling/lifting – and is assumed I’ve had it since birth.  My job is all 3 of those aggrivating factors.  It’s no wonder that by the end of the week, my lower back is ready to kick my ass.   So.. I’ve been doing physio and chiro. Yay! RIght..?

The beggining of January it was assumed that by the 2nd or 3rd week, I’d be good to get back to work (THANK GOD) because I’ve been going stir crazy at home (It’s just me and my dad, but we really need time apart at times).  Found out that I was getting reimbursed 100% for all the treatments (SCORE!), so it was a happy time.  The light was at the end of the tunnel, everything seemed to be coming together.  But then…

The first day I return to work – dad drove me to the subway so I wouldn’t have to endure the bus ride.  Problem 1 – no seats, so I had to stand for a good 20 minutes.  Now is a good time to mention that standing/sitting/walking for anything more than 60-90minutes starts to trigger minor discomfort.  Something we didn’t consider in my treatments.  We assumed if I can do the exercises, and continue to do them, it should minimize the discomfort over time.  So by the time I get to work, its been about 40 minutes of standing/walking.

I got to work early (on purpose) so I could sit for a bit and just relax before I actually started my work-day.  9:30am hit, and I went on my first mail-run (I deliver documents from the mailroom, fun stuff – I know) but had help so that I could ease my way back in.  45 minutes later I had to sit, I couldn’t walk anymore – not comfortably.  I also had no medication aside from Tylenol Back-Pain which is a sack of shit.  My normal muscle relaxant was also out of the question a) I was out of them, and b) I would be knocked out shortly after taking it. Not something to take at work.

So by 10:15 I was at reception, and was told to altnernate standing/sitting.  This didn’t sit too well with me (pun intended!) because I knew my limitations – but I did it because I wanted to.  It was fun.  After being home for 2 months, it was nice to be back at work, seeing everyone again.  Yeah, yeah it’s work, who enjoys it?  Well I do!  I was going nuts at home, and my father and I have been at eachothers throats more and more.  Fastforward, 1PM (3hr45m (work) + 40m (commute) – I was well over the 4 hour mark.  I walked to A&W for lunch, sat and ate, then  headed back to work (1hour).  Sat back down for reception, and the discomfort turned to pain.  I just couldn’t find the right position to sit or stand.  I toughed it out as best I could until 4:30, then attempted my last mail-pickup, and decided it’s not something I should be doing when in this much pain.  Couldn’t sleep well that evening, but I hoped that rest would fix the pain.  It didn’t.  I lasted only half the day until I finally said “I can’t do this, I need to go home”.

Went to the doctor and he promptly took me off of work again and asked me to re-start my chiro and physio treatments.  Bleh.

I am slowly going crazy 1,2,3,4,5,6 switch..   Crazy going slowly am I 6 5 4 3 2 1… #@^!!*$%!$^%#!(*%&!$^!&