I’ve got the ps3 version, and an hdtv.  I’m about 8-10 hours in so far.

The minute I put the game in I was pulled in to a pretty nice introduction, flying around, scenes from the trailer, it looked really nice.  After a couple of minuets of that, I got the game going.  The story is pretty interesting.   Visually, it’s the most amazing game I have played, hands down – the models, the animation, its very well done.

The music is OK – at least so far, it hasn’t blown me away.

The battle system is something new, and at first just pressing ‘x’ over and over again just felt dull, but things got a bit more interesting eventually.  Paradigms and the class system, I like it.  At first I didn’t like the idea of controlling just the leader, but once more class combinations open up, it gets really cool.   I actually found it challenging against a boss or two up until now, getting used to the battle system can be challenging.

The game introduces ‘auto-attack’ which preselects the combination of attacks best to use vs a specific enemy, and if you use the Technique ‘Libra’ then it fine tunes the ‘auto attack’ to do be more effective.  I kind of wish it wasn’t there though, or if we just got to preset our auto-attacks, you can use your abilities menu instead and select it for yourself – but it just doesnt feel the same knowing auto attack is right there.

Now on to some of the ugly.  The game is one big epic dungeon (at least so far).  So you go from a cutscene, to walking down a path, to fighting mobs, to another cutscene.. etc.  There are no towns, it’s quite depressing.  That old FF feel where you’d go to to towns, talk to people, you won’t find that here.  For an RPG, it’s way too linear for my liking.   I know a J-RPG isn’t supposed to have a Dragon Age feel, but games like the Grandia series (minus Xtreme because Dean Cain ruins the whole voiceacting thing), but past FF games, you had options or at least free world movement.  The game feels like it’s just playing itself, it looks damn cool to watch though, so get popcorn.  But thats about all, it looks cool, has a good story, and a great battle/class system.  But you won’t find towns or anything exciting – at least not 8-10 hours in.

I purchased the Samsung 40″ LCD 60hz TV, and I’m quite pleased with it.  I also ended up buying my PS3 a month and a half early, because I wanted to enjoy my TV even more!  People weren’t joking when they said that Ps1 and PS2 games would look horrible and pixelated though – I may just end up hooking that up to my dads tube TV to play now and then – but who am I kidding?  Between Modern Warfare 2 and BlazBlue for online play, I’ve got Folklore, Darksiders, and Uncharted to work my way through.  My friend has a MASSIVE collection of PS3 games, so aside from multiplayer games, I won’t need to buy much.  I may make an exception for Final Fantasy XIII though, because it comes out on my birthday.

Had a great party at my place on Friday to celebrate the new TV, had about 9 friends over, boiled about 28 hotdogs with 4 cans of chilli – it got devoured!  I did my math wrong though and ended up toasting 4 extra buns – most of them got eaten with the chilli, so it wasn’t that bad.  No pictures though, sorry   There will be another get together at my place this Friday to play Modern Warfare, Rockband, etc.. After spending over $1,000 in a month, I realized it would be much cheaper to just stay in and have friends over.  I cook food, we enjoy, and spend much less money!  Works out quite well I’d say.

I went to my doctor yesterday, he anticipates at LEAST another 4-6 weeks that I’m going to be off of work  (it has already been THREE months) ugh.  I’m trying to make the best of it.  I can’t let it get me down because I can’t really control it. I’ve got my dad and my friends, so I have much to be happy and greatful for.

All that being said, this Sunday is going to be a very important one!  I haven’t gone to Church in almost a decade.  Why? Because I love my sleep.  At this point though, I’ve decided it’s something I WANT to do again. Why? I honestly couldn’t give a proper response about it.  It’s something I feel on the inside.  Something has been telling me for 5 years to go back to Church, and for 4 of those years I was high all the damn time and just didn’t care.  I’m done with self-pity though and all the negativity that I let surround me for so long.  I’m going to go back to Church, and make it a weekly thing.  I’ll be returning to my old Parish from high school and elementary – with the odd week I may go to the Armenian Church closeby with a friend of my fathers.  I’m not going to become a Bible thumper, I never have been – but there is a nice feeling in having Faith, and something to believe in.  Something that can help with just a prayer in times of desperation.  This is 2010, and my life feels like it’s finally making some progress on a deeper level.

I will start of by saying that you, the reader – may not share the same opinions as me.  You may read on and say to yourself “This is a crock of shit”, if that happens, chances are you are not ready to admit the truth about it and have much growing up to do.  I am not an expert, I’m not a scientist, but I am someone who has gone through the cycle of recreational use, to frequent use, to chronic use (multiple times a day), to even beyond that of problematic use – all of which happened over the last 4 years.   The purpose of this is for anyone who may have questions about pot to have a better understanding of different elements involved – based on MY experiences.

I started smoking pot in May 2006.  Alcohol was something I was avoiding because of anti-depressents, and my own father said he’d rather I smoke pot than drink alcohol.  Why?  Because in one sitting, you can smoke as much pot as you wanted and you wouldn’t get aggressive (which was the case with me and getting drunk).  You’d smoke and smoke, eat and eat, smoke and just pass out.  Of course you could get hit with strong paranoia which could make the experience very unpleasent.  Just like alcohol, your body builds a tolerence to THC (which is the active substance in pot that gets you high).  The higher the tolerence, the less likely the paranoia will hit, which leads to a much more mellow and calming high.  As tolerence increases, the time that the high lasts decreases over time.   When I frst starting smoking, a joint would keep me ripped out of my skull from anywhere between 3 and 4 hours, after 4 years of vaporizing/bonging/smoking joints – I was lucky to stay at the plateau high for more than an hour – even with prime kush.

On to some key questions that people starting out with pot ask themselves (at least I did)

What are the negative effects to recreational use?

Lets assume this can be 2-4 times a month – as often as the average person would drink on a night out.  The definition of recreational can vary, but for arguements sake, lets go with my numbers.   Smoking pot this often wouldn’t really have any long-term effects on an individual.  You’d get high, get dry mouth, get hungry, eat, and pass out – or party on.  There is such a negative stigma surrounding pot that people will judge you for smoking it, even as infrequently as this.  It’s really personal preference.  People can smoke once every few months and still be judged.  If you’re in the once every few months, or up to 4 times a month (I’m being generous) you’re in the safe zone, and don’t have too much to worry about – if you’re an adult.  A student has a bit more to worry about though, depending on when it’s done.  THC inhibits REM sleep, as a student, REM sleep is very important because 5/7 days in the week you’re going to school, studying, and trying to do well.  People (myself included) make the claim that they study better while high.  Sure you may be able to read, be a bit more focused, but you won’t be absorbing the information AS WELL as you would if you had done it sober.  Those individuals that deny this are chronic users.  Study sober if you want to do well and don’t listen to the potheads that tell you otherwise.

It’s all about moderation.  If someone drank every single night, and got drunk – we’d call them an alcoholic – so why is it considered OK to smoke a joint or two every day?  It isn’t, nor should it be.  That being said, as a recreational user you don’t have as much to fear long-term.

Is pot addictive?

Weed by itself is NOT addictive.  What IS addictive though (more psychologically, and moreso if you have an addictive personality) is the high.  I went through a stage where I loved being high, and that’s all I wanted to do.  When I started smoking I said I’d never do it by myself or every day – but it’s something I started to enjoy.  Going for a 2-3 hour walk every night, listening to music, and smoking a joint.  It left me with a lot of thinking time.  But the high alone was something I loved.   I always said ” I can stop whenever I want”, but the days that I wouldn’t, I would say to myself  “It’s not hurting me, I enjoy it, so why should I deny myself it?”.  It’s easy to just not smoke any, but it’s easier to just smoke it instead and enjoy it and not give it a second thought.  That is the problematic part.  There are many people who don’t go through this, they may not have addictive personalities.  If you have to try to not smoke, then it has a hold on you.

What are negative long term effects of prolonged use?

The first and formost thing, is short term memory.  There was a point when I had a 3 foot zong.  It was a bong that had a Z from the mouthpiece to the bowl.  My friend and I would smoke full bowls for hours and hours every night.  After 2 months of that, I had a very difficult time carrying on a normal conversation at work. Mid-conversation I’d forget what we were talking about.  If you’ve ever watched “Click” with Adam Sandler, I was on permanent auto-pilot in life.  Even when it shattered, and we went back to a smaller bong/vaporizer/joints I still had the same memory problems, except it started to effect long term memory as well.  These times were probably the peak of my pot smoking.

The next problem is sleep.  Chronic use significantly hinders REM sleep, to the point where dreams just stop happening.  If you’ve ever smoked a joint right before bed to help you sleep, when you wake up you probably don’t feel as well rested as you could.  Many times I had the urge to just continue sleeping and forget about work, because without REM, you’re not getting the proper rest you need, your BODY and MIND needs it too.  The best thing I can say is, when you’re tripping out and you’re high – consider that your dreamstate – you’re giving up your REM dreams to get high.  Cut out the weed, especially before bed and the dreams and rest will return.. The dreams for the first week will likely be the most vivid in a long time.

————-

51 days ago, I gave up the pothead lifestyle.  I’ve been high a total of 8 times over this period.  My memory is slowly recovering.  4 years of damage won’t fix itself in a day.  My sleep is also a lot better, and for the first time in years, I’m dreaming again.  I don’t smoke alone anymore, and in social functions I’ve actually turned heads when I’ve declined partaking in a joint.  I used to be the guy who was either rolling a joint, smoking a joint, or in his own world because he had just smoked a joint.

Not everyone will share my opinions, because most wouldn’t have the same experiences as me.  There will be those that will be greatful to some extra insight, and to those that would rather say “omg pot is fine, you make it sound so bad” go start your own blog and post your opinions there.  Pot has downsides, and only those who have experienced it first-hand and have left chronic use in the past will be able to fully relate.  You only live once.  Don’t live life on auto-pilot, because there are experiences that should become memories and you will hate yourself if you forget them because of pot.

Mint-Chocolate Chip, with Chocolate icecream and pineapple-orange/raspberry sherbert.

MMMMMM.

I’ve been off of work since the third week of November because I threw out my back.  Sounds simple enough, right?  Estimated recovery time was supposed to be 7-10 days with a lower/mid back strain.  Still simple, nes pas?  So I went to see a chiropracter to get me all straightened up.  After 2.5 weeks, I got _worse_.  Under normal circumstances, that isn’t supposed to happen!  So I went for X-rays, and found out I have a condition called Spondylolysis  (damaged/underdeveloped ligiments in my lower back).  It is a condition that is aggrivated by pushing/pulling/lifting – and is assumed I’ve had it since birth.  My job is all 3 of those aggrivating factors.  It’s no wonder that by the end of the week, my lower back is ready to kick my ass.   So.. I’ve been doing physio and chiro. Yay! RIght..?

The beggining of January it was assumed that by the 2nd or 3rd week, I’d be good to get back to work (THANK GOD) because I’ve been going stir crazy at home (It’s just me and my dad, but we really need time apart at times).  Found out that I was getting reimbursed 100% for all the treatments (SCORE!), so it was a happy time.  The light was at the end of the tunnel, everything seemed to be coming together.  But then…

The first day I return to work – dad drove me to the subway so I wouldn’t have to endure the bus ride.  Problem 1 – no seats, so I had to stand for a good 20 minutes.  Now is a good time to mention that standing/sitting/walking for anything more than 60-90minutes starts to trigger minor discomfort.  Something we didn’t consider in my treatments.  We assumed if I can do the exercises, and continue to do them, it should minimize the discomfort over time.  So by the time I get to work, its been about 40 minutes of standing/walking.

I got to work early (on purpose) so I could sit for a bit and just relax before I actually started my work-day.  9:30am hit, and I went on my first mail-run (I deliver documents from the mailroom, fun stuff – I know) but had help so that I could ease my way back in.  45 minutes later I had to sit, I couldn’t walk anymore – not comfortably.  I also had no medication aside from Tylenol Back-Pain which is a sack of shit.  My normal muscle relaxant was also out of the question a) I was out of them, and b) I would be knocked out shortly after taking it. Not something to take at work.

So by 10:15 I was at reception, and was told to altnernate standing/sitting.  This didn’t sit too well with me (pun intended!) because I knew my limitations – but I did it because I wanted to.  It was fun.  After being home for 2 months, it was nice to be back at work, seeing everyone again.  Yeah, yeah it’s work, who enjoys it?  Well I do!  I was going nuts at home, and my father and I have been at eachothers throats more and more.  Fastforward, 1PM (3hr45m (work) + 40m (commute) – I was well over the 4 hour mark.  I walked to A&W for lunch, sat and ate, then  headed back to work (1hour).  Sat back down for reception, and the discomfort turned to pain.  I just couldn’t find the right position to sit or stand.  I toughed it out as best I could until 4:30, then attempted my last mail-pickup, and decided it’s not something I should be doing when in this much pain.  Couldn’t sleep well that evening, but I hoped that rest would fix the pain.  It didn’t.  I lasted only half the day until I finally said “I can’t do this, I need to go home”.

Went to the doctor and he promptly took me off of work again and asked me to re-start my chiro and physio treatments.  Bleh.

I am slowly going crazy 1,2,3,4,5,6 switch..   Crazy going slowly am I 6 5 4 3 2 1… #@^!!*$%!$^%#!(*%&!$^!&

I was denied the opportunity to apply to the position in accounting because management wants to ‘continue to see exceptional performance’ out of me. I thought about this for a couple of days, and realized they have no legal ground to do this to me based on opinion. There have been no letters of warning, no attendance issues, and no ‘action plans’ (which are 30-60-90 day) monitorings. IE if I have attednance issues, they say for the next 30 days you cannot call in sick, if you do, you get written up. Such plans prevent you from moving out of your position. The last requisite is that you’ve been in your position for at least a year. Well its been 1.5 years now.

Soo…

I applied to TD Bank Financial Group as and Administrative Assistant. I could apply internally without previous approval. TD Insurance and TDBFG are two different entities despite being under the same ‘umbrella’. Sadly when I clicked ‘submit resume’ I read that my HR representative and my manager had to be notified. SO I did just that. I mentioned to my HR Rep, and she asked if I’d told my manager yet, and I said..

“No actually, I haven’t because the due date for this position was today, and I didn’t know I actually HAD to say anything until I clicked it. I was going to save it for tomorrow, but since I HAD to use her name in my application (current supervisor etc) I had no choice.

The moment of truth. I told Lori. Her face went as red as her shirt, but she maintained her composure – the same way I felt when they told me “No” on Monday about the accounting position.

A subtle slap in the face I’d say “You won’t let me apply and move on here? I’m going to start looking elsewhere”

I’m overwhelmed because I didn’t know I’d have to tell her right away.
I’m nervous because I don’t know what hell they may be planning for me now (if any)
I’m amused because I finally had a chance to make a strong point without saying a word.
I’m excited because I may be out of this place… Wish me luck? Whoever may read this..

I’ve cancelled my Warhammer account and have moved back to Final Fantasy XI. I figure, why pay for a game that I have to play 3 different classes in order to prevent boredom from setting in. Shouldn’t the game be interesting enough that I’d WANT to get to level 40 on one character? Sadly no.. The game is the same from Level 1 to Level 40, the only difference is how fast you die – or how fast you can kill someone else. The more and more I think about it, the more I realize how rushed and unfinished the game was before release. They probably should have taken everything from Dark Ages of Camelot – and just renamed it in Warhammer – then they’d have a decent game.

Now a quick rant about why I HATE Blizzard and World of Warcraft. Before this game, MMOs had a different feel to them. Everquest and FFXI are the only two examples from experience I can provide. These games did not give any ‘quick’ rewards. Anything you did, achieved, found, or wore, pretty much took a lot of work – with a fair amount of risk. The risk in Everquest being much higher because when you died, you had to go back to where your corpse was and get everything. This added to the thrill of adventure – you could die, lose your corpse, lose a level in certain circumstances. It made dying something to hate, and avoid. It also provided a rush of adventure. Moving forward, games starting to stray from this sort of ‘challenging’ environment, and made it into a quick reward, low risk style game.

Oh no! I died in Warcraft! It’s ok, my stupid ass ghost can run harm free back to its body and just have to pay to repair my armor. Oh no I died in Warhammer, now I just pay a silver to restore all my health to full. Oh no, I died in FFXI, lost 10% of my next level xp (1000xp if you needed 10k to level) and I’m back to the city that is my home. Now I have to walk back to where I was and get all that experience back. The other factor are monsters. IN the previous 2 games mentioned in this paragraph, monsters stop chasing you after a certain distance. In EQ/FFXI they keep chasing.. and chasing.. until you zone into another area. In most cases, you die. Even after you make it to the zone line, when you load you could still be dead (if the monster was still hitting you)

If they remade Everquest, with updated graphics, mechanics, and skills, but kept everything else the same, I think people would love it. Not the majority though, because most of the MMO community has been infected with the easy-mode mmo disease that World of Warcraft has spread.

If FFXI fails to keep my interest, I’ll likely be leaving the MMO world and going back to console games. Time to get ready to go!

Exams. Ugh. I have one on Monday and am dreading it. This is the same exam I studied so hard for back in November.  To go over everything again is so un-motivating.  Alas, if I want to get re-imbursed from work, I better pass this time!  But I’m allowed to bitch, right?

Exercising. I love it.  I have more free time to myself during the week now, and will have more after monday *shakes fist*.  I’ve made up a spreadsheet and plan out my workouts for 5-6 days a week now.  Lower body 3x and upper body 2 or 3x.  I think I may alternate weeks when I do 2 and 3 of each section, either way I’m aiming for a defined and toned body by late may/june – for the sake of confidence and health.  Some workouts are finished in about 30-40 minutes, my upper body days take closer to an hour to complete – then add time to make my protein shake, have dinner,  it’s about 8:30-9:30 before I sit to do anything at my computer!  But they are great workouts!

Warhammer Online.  I wish Aion Online would be released, it looks so cool.  But Warhammer fills the gap for now, juggled between 4 characters.  Tyrannize my Zealot is my healing-guy.  When I play him I generally want to keep the whole team up while trying to do some damage on the side.   Finalize the Sorceress is my “I shoot magic at you from afar while looking sexy, and you die” character. She’s hot.  Immobilize my Witch Elf is when I want to make people smash their keyboards in frustration when I always kill them FROM THE SHADOWS, and last, and probably least – Womanize the Marauder – he isn’t anything too special yet, except that his arm turns into WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!

Work.  Work is work, but thankfully it isn’t as stressful anymore.  I’ve worked on a project in Excel to record all statistics of incoming courier and what department they go to and have numbers recorded by day/week/month meaning now total numbers can be tracked on all fronts – and the amount of work said departments recieve will also be recorded.  It’s a tool that has gotten more attention than I thought it would.  I also just found out yesterday that management in Accounting is asking as to why I haven’t applied for a position there yet – so I may be looking to apply there temporarily while I decide what direction I want to move in my career.  Stay in Insurance, or the possibility of Accounting courses to move in to the Bank.  Or maybe a financial analyst for an insurance company… who knows?  All I know is I am good with numbers.  Really really good.

Chess.  I love chess, and downloaded Chessmaster 10th Edition, and may just go out and buy it too.  It’s a hobby I’m glad I’m working my way back in to. And PS – the chessmaster kicks my ass all the damn time.

MUDs. *gasp* Jess did you read that?  Anyways, Ive been musing about the idea of returning to a game that I haven’t played in about 7 years now.  Realms of Despair. Thalasian the Drow Mage – probably peaceful again or I was thinking of Naislaht the Drow Nephandi/Cleric/Idon’tknow.  The real trick is getting the name authorized or deleted (if the deadly one is still around)

Which brings me to my final update!  My budget in excel.  Holy crap, it is AWESOME!  I have cleared all my credit card debts in 1.5 months.  I actually see the flow of money I have coming in, and what goes to bills, other expenses vs mandatory expenses, food, and pretty much everything else.  Creating the spreadsheet and updating it was very hard at first, but now I spend about 10 minutes a day looking at my budget, update daily, and plan AHEAD meaning, I mark things as expensed before I even buy it IE Monthly bus pass is always $109 at the end of the month, so I record it as such, and I am able to see the total amount of money I have available for the whole month.  Best tool ever.

After Monday – assuming I pass the exam – I have no stress.  For the first time, in a very long time. I. Have. No. Stress.  WOW!

I was tired yesterday at about 1:15am, so thought to myself “Hey, I’ll sleep early and wakeup early! woo!”

I ended up tossing and turning for about 7 hours, and got no sleep. Woke up in the morning like a zombie, and said screw it I’m going to stay in bed and TRY to get some sort of sleep. Toss and turn for another few hours, probably napped for a couple at least, and got up at 12. 11 hours in bed, probably 4 of it spent sleeping. I’m so frustrated

Sunday-Thursday, I normally sleep around 12-1.. sometimes later than 1 depending on if I’m having fun with a game or having an interesting conversation. I’m up by 7:30, at work by 9:30, done by 5:30 – then IF I come straight home I’m in by 6:30, do my workout by 7-8:30, shower, have dinner, and sit to play/study/smoke/whatever until 12 or 1. If it’s my off day and Im not working out, Im normally ready by 8. Then there are nights I go out, and I’m home by 11:30, shower, then sleep. Now that really isn’t a HORRIBLE scheduale. I could afford to sleep earlier and wake up 30 minutes sooner, but I haven’t reached that point in my goals yet.

Friday-Sunday things get a little wonky. Fridays go the same as any other day, except I’m in bed between 2 and 4am. Not horrible if I get 8 hours of sleep, right? Or if I get the same amount I get during the week. That would mean Id GENERALLY be up between 8:30 and 10:30.

The earlier the better (Im realizing) because then I have more of a day to enjoy. As it stands right now, Saturdays and Sundays are my SHORTEST days – Fridays tend to be my longest. I’m up by 12 or 1. SOMETIMES depending on the night before it could reach 2PM! And I’m finding that to be VERY bleh at this point. Sund -Thurs my days are at LEAST 16.5 – 17 hours long, come the weekends, I’m waking up at noon, and I lose the whole morning, on BOTH days.

I mean I DO generally wake up after 6 – 7 hours of sleeping, but on a weekend my very first instinct is to keep sleeping. Today for example, I was up once at about 8:30 and just stayed curled in bed until around 10:30.. then tossed for a good 1.5 hours until I was ready to get up. Don’t get me wrong! There is nothing wrong with doing this now and then, but EVERY weekend? I think after 3 years of this, I need to wake up and smell some breakfast.

I’m also trying to figure out the direct cause of this. Pot is probably (I should say more than likely), one of the direct causes of it. It prevents a person from experiencing REM sleep. Totally inhibits, which is when we get the majority of our ‘rest’ so to speak. It’s also when we dream. I can’t say I go to bed sober, but for the most part I do may best to not smoke anything about 2 hours before I sleep. SAVE FOR WEEKENDS.. haha.. even as I write this, it seems to make a lot more sense in my head. But nevertheless, it is not the only proximal cause.

Back when I was studying like an animal, I was playing VERY little of anything. Maybe a 40 minutes for the whole day of Warhammer, and I’d spent the majority of my spare time reading and studying. Maybe it has to do with what parts of my brain are constantly working (IE reading/studying may activate more areas of my brain, and gaming my not use as much (it’s really easy to play, and not hard to remember anything really.. unless I’m high.. Arenas in WoW..good times! Jess would say otherwise though..)

A lot to think about..