Children who make too much noise should never make noise again.

If we can geneitcally modify plants to grow bigger and poultry to have more white meat, surely we can genetically modify the human race to produce children who no longer cry. Loud kids are absolutely horrible. After a child reaches the age of around two they start to be able to cry and whine whenever they want, and in my experience they always want to. Riding the bus, eating lunch, or shopping for groceries you're sure to run into one of these miserable shits who never stops screaming for no apparent reason. If he's not crying and whining, he's shouting and making a bunch of disruptive noises. Chuckling briefly? Acceptable. Cackling incessantly? Time to step in.

Since most parents are huge pussies and won't beat their kids in public, the responsibility falls to the rest of society. Roger Stephens was in the news a few years ago for hitting a 2-year old in a Wal-Mart in the US who didn't belong to him, because the girl was crying too much. This man should have been declared a national hero, but instead he was charged with cruelty to children. WHAT? Where is the cruelty to me? Some fucking kid screaming at the top of her lungs for an hour is probably as bad as being waterboarded, if not marginally worse. I doubt any of the military personnel who were torturing suspected terrorists were charged with cruelty to terrorists.

When I was living in China I was riding on a bus and there were two kids, about ten years old, sitting in front of me. One of the kids was screaming at the top of his lungs to the other one from about three centimetres away from his friend's face. His friend turned and screamed at the top of his own lungs, and it became a screaming contest. You know what happened? The driver stopped the bus in the middle of the street and threw the kids into traffic - he actually picked them up by their jackets and tossed them off the bus. The only way this story could have been better is if those children were hit by a truck. Unfortunately for the driver, the other passengers on the bus were pretty pissed off at the way he treated the kids and a fight almost broke out. There was one old guy on the bus who didn't get up and shout, and he noticed that I was still in my seat. He smirked at me, which told me he was thinking exactly the same thing that I was: good fucking job, give the driver a medal.

Riding a bus here in Canada recently, there was a mother and her four children. Two of the children were being obnoxious, jumping around, shouting, and not listening to their mother. At one point, the bus driver hit the brakes just as one of the girls jumped, which sent her rolling down the length of the bus, finally crashing into a pole near the front. The driver had to stop the bus and tell the kids to sit still and warn the mother that she'd have to get off the bus if he had to stop again. All I could do this entire time was laugh my ass off because the girl got what was coming to her. She was covered in dirt, scrapes on her arms, and she was sobbing (quietly now). Here I am, sitting in my chair, laughing like I heard the funniest joke in the world.

I think the best way to deal with noisy kids is to let them experience just what they're inflicting on the rest of the world. Strap the child into a chair and blast factory noise into their ear for 72 straight hours while keeping them hooked up to an IV filled with whatever is going to prevent them from sleeping and keep them alert. Speed, maybe? After those 72 hours, I'm pretty sure that kid would be quiet for the rest of his life. Issue resolved.

We can't stop there, however. Parents need to take control of their kids. When a child is being noisy in the mall, or on the bus, parents need to put a fucking stop to it. Everyone is so afraid of being branded a bad parent by people they'll never see again, they won't do anything to stop their kids from fucking around - and yet that is an example of bad parenting. Parents who do not control their kids get sterilized. It's quick, painless, and solves any future problems from ever occuring again.