Death Warrior should never have been made.

Everyone loves a good action movie. Especially when that action is kicking, punching, flipping, and good old fashioned sexy man-hugging. But unlike such classics as The Karate Kid and The Karate Kid 2 this movie blows a bowl of goat feces. Kind of like The Next Karate Kid which starred a girl. Everyone knows women can't do karate, that's just stupid.

We start the film with two guys fighting. They look exactly the same except one of them has a slightly darker skin tone but with how much french kissing is going on you'll still have trouble deciding which one is which. What makes this opening scene completely fail is they keep cutting to the Seth MacFarlane lookalike announcer who goes on about some dude who isn't even fighting. After the slightly darker guy wins you find out he's black and was using a mexican body double, he then calls out THE CHAMP who comes up on stage WWE style and waggles his head like some kind of show bird. They then take three minutes to show you that, just like the WWE, everything on stage is fake and all the fighters are best friends.

The movie makes sure to fill its story and action holes with boobs. Every time I wanted to turn the movie off it was like the director could predict my thoughts and he threw boobs at me. Unfortunately the sex scenes which shortly followed were subpar for an R rated film. Oh, and there was too much dude-ass (any dude-ass is too much).

The villain in this movie tries to combine the styles of Jim Carrey's "Truman" and Heath Ledger's "Joker". He fails miserably in both parts and what we get is a guy who can't even be called crazy because that's not fair to the real crazies. His acting is terrible, so terrible in fact that I'm tempted to follow his entire career and find out what other terrible roles he's done and offer a year by year comparison of this douchebag's "work".

I just looked him up on IMDB, his name is Nick Mancuso and his earliest credit on IMDB is 1974. Eugene Levy, who it seems NEVER turns down a script, started acting in 1971 and Nick Mancuso has more films than him. I guess I need to stop talking so much trash about Eugene Levy now (by the way, Eugene Levy sucked in American Pie: The Book of Love).

I can't do a movie review without pointing out at least one good thing, so here it is. When the main character is first kidnapped he kicks the shit out of some assassins only to have a gun aimed at his chest. The assassin says "don't bring kung-fu to a gunfight". Classic... Hang on, that's garbage too. Fuck, this movie had NOTHING good.

Score: 2/10 - It gets the extra one point because although Ivan threatens to rape a woman it never happens.